Monday, December 2, 2019

The Billy Crystal Method of Staging Parkinson’s Disease

The Billy Crystal “You Look Mahvelous” Method of Staging Progression of Parkinson’s Disease Stages.

I was being driven in an Uber today en route to my most frequent destination lately, Mass General Hospital. I was with my new aide, Juliet. He owns a home care agency and knew Juliet. They were talking shop and unsolicited, he said the he figured I had either PD or MS. AND he added a later stage of MS. Thank you, Mr. Uber Driver. (There goes your 5-star rating.)

But I still tipped him, because he’s in good company these days. No one tells me I look great anymore. Or that they would never know I have PD. If I’m not dyskenetic, however, they think I’m doing better. They see the excess movement and the wriggling as being worse, and the lack of motion as doing better.

I started thinking about how observers who know neither us or about Parkinson’s disease nonetheless put us into a stage of the disease based on how we look, and devised a new method of staging Parkinson’s disease.
I’m calling it The Billy Crystal “You Look  Mahvelous  Method of Staging Progression of Parkinson’s Disease Stages.

Stage 1: “You Look Like Hell.”
Shortly before and after diagnosis.

Stage 2: “You Look  Mahvelous”
After optimized on medication.

Stage 3: “You Don’t Look So Good”
The doo-doo starts to hit the fan as meds are starting to fizzle, and the transition from person with PD to patient with PD begins.

Stage 4: “You Look  Mahvelous”
This might look like a repeat of Stage 1. It is not!
At this stage,  when someone tells you, “You look marvelous,”  you smack them upside the face.They think this comes easy. They think you have PD-Lite. They don’t get that  you look like this because you are are working your ass off. That’s the difference!

Stage 5: Ain’t nobody sayin’ nothing ever, about how you look.
Dyskenesia’s are not well received by the public. At this stage you don’t care anymore about how you look to others. Your work is to BE MAHVELOUS!!

1 comment:

  1. So true! That is hilarious on one hand, and so sad on the other.